For a while I have been feeling resentful and angry towards a particular person.
(This will come as no surprise for regular readers of THH blog!)
Every time I thought I was on top of it something happened and the feelings came back with a vengeance. And then a few weeks ago the penny dropped.
I finally realised how much these feelings were costing me. They have literally been a road block in my life. Until they are dealt with I cannot move on. I am stuck. I know this.
And I am ready to admit that….
Until I can forgive myself for my part in things, I cannot truly forgive the other party.
When I look my ego square in the eye I know that I need to forgive myself. To ignore this, to pretend it is not needed, is to be a victim. It is to offer the other party no compassion whatsoever. This would only be fake forgiveness. It would have little long term value.
I need to forgive myself. And then I CAN forgive the “other party”.
When we are hurting it’s hard to see how we may have played a part in a situation. And, indeed sometimes we genuinely may simply have been in the wrong place at the wrong time or been taken advantage of.
Either way, when we feel wronged we can become stuck in a cycle of confusion and hurt. These experiences may change how we behave towards others in the future. They may also change how we talk to and behave towards ourselves in the present and future.
In either of these scenarios it is important to start with the self. To protect our own peace at all costs. To dig deep to see what we are holding onto that we no longer need.
OxfordDictionaries.com defines forgiveness as “Stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw, or mistake”.
And deep down a lot of us have these feelings hidden towards ourselves for something we may have done years ago in a seemingly inconsequential situation.
If we are being totally honest at some point in most of our lives we have caused a negative impact for someone. With, or without, meaning too. We may have acted, or spoken, in a way which stung someone else. Or hurt, stung, or negatively impacted ourselves.
We may have even hurt ourselves without meaning to.
And for this we can ask ourselves forgiveness. In a loving, compassionate way. A way that says
“I don’t want to hurt anymore. I love me. I am learning to show myself more love. I want to stop beating myself up over old stuff and move forward in my life. I want to move forward into a more positive, supportive, loving, space”.
Or something like that, perhaps a little more concise?!
Why? Because we can only extend forgiveness to others to the same capacity as we extend it to ourselves.
If we neglect to show ourselves forgiveness we are telling ourselves we are not worthy of it. We block others from forgiving us. And we withhold forgiveness from those who we need to forgive to move forward.
I have learnt that it is this act of recognising and forgiving past pains that helps forgive my current grievances’.
And we don’t need to sit and analyse every thing that comes up we want to forgive ourselves for either! We can simple acknowledge them and let them go. This may take a few gos’. But if we keep forgiving ourselves and asking ourselves to release this energy again and again it will shift.
It is happening for me right now. I am certain it can happen for you too.
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing when you think about it. Nothing negative can come from it. It is a catalyst for inner peace and self awareness, long term change.
P.S I was recommended this YouTube video and ho’oponopono meditation as helpful practices, and can wholeheartedly recommend them to you too. I am not affiliated to them in any way!