Have you ever been tempted to do something that felt a bit naughty or rebellious? What was it? Did you do it?
Yep. I shaved my head. As a 34 single woman I am pretty sure I am not meant to do this.
I have coloured, curled, straightened, and chopped. Not always very successfully.
Over a year ago I had a bad experience at the hair dressers and I knew then something changed with my relationship with my hair. I found it really upsetting and difficult to accept.
Why was I so upset? It is just hair.
I appreciate this may sound rather superficial so bear with me!
I have been going grey since my teens. So colouring my hair has become harder and harder. I totally fried my hair and had to start again about 4 years ago. Since then I have invested time and energy into my hair. And then it all unravels. Try as I might I just couldn’t get back on track. Everything I did just made me feel more disappointed and despondent. My hair was ruined. And this time I wasn’t my fault.
I ordered the clippers. And shaved my head.
And then the strange thoughts started…. Am I trying to de-feminise myself? Am I trying to make myself unattractive? What will people think, that I am crazy? I am a man? I am scary or violent?
To be attractive we are told we need high maintenance hair. Cutting and colouring, washing and blow-drying, straightening and curling. Even men are wearing perfect beards and buns.
And then Charlotte kicked back it. F**k off strange thoughts. I am most definitely a women.
I don’t need long hair/nice hair/luscious hair of any style or colour to define my femininity or attractiveness. I had no luck with men with great hair. Who is to say having very short quite grey hair will be any disadvantage for me? And lets face it, the kind of man that could handle me would have to be ok with me doing things like shaving my head every so often. Because that is the kind of person I clearly am.
So, in a nut shell. I am not entirely sure why I shaved my head. Terrible colour roots, wanting to start over again. Giving my scalp a rest from all the products. Claiming my femininity. Defining my appearance. Indulging an inner impulse to want to look a bit difference. Not conforming to what we are told women are supposed to look like perhaps?
I just wanted to do it. So I did. It has provoked some reaction and quite a lot of contemplation.
Why are we so connected to how we look? How we are perceived? Self image and self-esteem seem like huge issues at the moment. Ones I have been greatly effected by over the last couple of years. I am asked more and more about my opinions on them, and for workshops/sheets/thoughts etc.
Next month I am going to focus on this – and I would love your thoughts, links, ideas, concerns. Anything you would like to share on self-image and self-esteem (am I the only one that hates that term?!?!) please either share below or pop me an email.
With lots of love