Earlier this year I explained to a friend how I was relinquishing the need to do anything anymore. There needed to be more flow in my life. More buoyancy. Somewhere among my grandmother, who I have been very close too, getting dementia, her ever increasing care needs, my son and the work I love so much more of my life had had to be parked or sheded entirely in a bid to keep up with what I had to do.
Before the summer holidays we made the difficult decision to find her the right residential care, knowing it was now the only way to keep her safe and meet her needs. Hoping it would give her some relief as well.
Moving her was one of the most difficult, painful and isolating things I have ever had to do. Accepting my best just isn’t enough for someone I love deeply. Supporting my mum through her own guilt.
The adjustment was instant for my grandmother. She is happier and healthier than she has been for years, although further in her dementia. What was a decent feels like an accent now. She sings and dances, eat and drinks, takes her pills and gets in a bath. It’s like magic.
We have spent the last few years struggling, sad, always one step behind her care needs. And now we find ourselves with lighter hearts and a little more of our lives back. Time. Precious time.
I think the best we can hope for in life is good health and happiness and the time to enjoy it.
And so I am unpacking and igniting the parts of my life that were neglected in this time. Very slowly, with care. Savoring all that life has, at a snails pace! We don’t get to enjoy what life has to offer for going faster, or further, for that matter.
Good health is nurtured in most of our own kitchens.
Happiness is cultivated in fulfilling habits, hobbies and relationships.
Time is the gift we give ourselves by limiting un-fulfilling activities, scrolling, rushing and maintaining positive boundaries.
When we have given a great deal to others, we have to give a great deal back to ourselves.
So I have reacquainted myself with my kitchen, pottered in the garden, done a carpentry course and enjoyed pretty much the whole summer holidays off with my son. Even when he was away with his dad I mostly rested and caught up with friends. I have put in place some better boundaries for other things that were simply just ‘too much’ for me to keep up with. Withdrawn from where I knew my energy was leaking.
I am whole-heartedly embracing life in the slow lane. Will you join me?!